Whoops, where have I been?

I know, sorry. The Holidays and work are kicking me in the asstocks. <- Made that word up. Aren't you proud of me? Combo of ass-buttocks. I'm cool like that. Now onto more important stuff. Wanda, please respond to my email. This is your last official reminder that Christmas is coming. If you would like to purchase gifts for my children, use these links... Nate's Amazon.com Wish List
Sydney's Amazon.com Wish List

If you would like to purchase something for Toys for Tots or Toys for Teens click here and have it delivered to my home. I will personally drop the toys off at the local drop point.
Best of all, it's tax deductable for you, and the only effort you have to make is click, select, pay. All from the comfort of your basement/study/work chair/etc.
DO IT! Feel good about yourself.

Toys for Tots (and Teens) Amazon.com Link to a wish list

I should change the name of the Blog

To Boogers, Mucus, Boobs and Peanut Butter Cups. Many of my visitors happen upon this blog searching for almost anything related to boogers, boobs, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. If I ever wrote about rubbing boogers on breasts or smearing Reese's Peanut Butter Cups on boobs, I'd be willing to bet that someone would find this site.

Here are some of the most common searches that seem to find me...
100 inch boobs - I have a projector in my basement and once I invited some friends to visit and mentioned that they would be amazed at the clarity and definition on the screen of 100 inc boobies.
Green, Brown, Orange, or Bloody Boogers - Many searches for boogies and boogers that contain any color you can imagine. I don't know why, but I guess people have Orange Boogers and they wonder why. Here's my non-professional opinion, if you have orange boogers, stop placing orange M&M's in your nose.
Picking, Eating, and Flicking snot - A very popular topic on the internet these days according to my counter. Booger Sandwiches have come up a few times. Who wants a booger sandwich, ICK! Someone googled; "Why do noses have boogers?" I wonder if I provided them with the correct answer...
Famous people with one testicle - one time, I write about testicles and these people can't help but find that one... Wierd.
This one made me chuckle about someone's misfortune...gonads hurt bowel movement - Like Kool Moe Dee once said, "Go see the Doctor." (Lord I apologize, and be with the starving Pygmies in New Guinea)
Oh yea, and some sicko actually did a search for "Joey Lawrence." Who, by the way, is looking older. Like, gag me with a spoon already.

Booger Jokes

Where’s my booger?
I was walking in the park when I saw my friend and her 5 yr old son sitting on a bench. I walked over to them and the 5 year old started pointing at me, I said, “if you keep pointing I'll eat your fingers." He kept pointing, so I stuck his fingers in my mouth and pretended to eat them. He then started crying. I looked at him and said don't worry I'm not really gonna eat your fingers. He replied, "I know that but where’s my booger?"

Anorexic Booger
Q. What do you call an anorexic booger?
A. Slim Pickins

Love Booger
Q. What does a booger in love tell his girl friend?
A. I’m stuck on you.

Slow Booger
Q. What is another name for a snail?
A. A booger with a crash helmet.

Chicken Booger
Q. Why did the booger cross the road?
A. Because he was being picked on.

Tasty Booger
Q. What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
A. Kids don't eat broccoli.

Snappy Booger
Yo mamas so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose!

That's all I could remember. I did not make a single one of these up myself, but I cannot give proper credit to whomever did make these up (200 years ago) as I have no idea as to whom they may be.
Later Gators

100% Guaranteed (not to work) Pickup Lines

Use these at your local Pub / Tavern / Watering Hole / Meat Market ...
A collection of my favorite cheesy, no good, disgusting pickup lines that could never work in 57 years. Here's 30.

Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
Your tasty intellect gives me butterflies, may I show you my little dance I know?
If you won't let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.
Are those real?
I want to be your popsicle, lickety-lick!
You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime..
Have you ever googled yourself?
Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
Do you know karate? ‘Cause damn, your body is really kickin.
They don't call me Bones because I'm a doctor.
Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
Greetings and salivations
I've got a supply of Viagra with your name all over it.
Would you like to play Scrabble with me? I am tired of playing with myself.
Honey, I'm new in this town – do ya think I could have directions to your house.
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up.
If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just practice?
Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
You compute me.
No, that's not a Logitech MX-100 in my pants, but thanks for noticing.
I just want you to know that I have what it takes to dance.
If you have sex with me, I promise I’ll call you.
So, what do you like for breakfast?
My wife is gonna be out of town next week, wanna party?
If I hadn't lost my package in 'Nam, I'd be all about getting with you.
You're so hot, you'd make hell sweat.
You sound like the person in my head who keeps telling me to burn down houses!

Fun Optical Illusions to Amaze the eyes

Man these are cool.
Created by a Japanese professor of Psychology Akiyoshi Kitaoka.
Click to Open from His home page or the artcyclopedia
Acorn Storm
Rotating Snakes
The Bulge
Uzumaki ampan
Motion AfterAffects
There are a million, visit his page and click all night...

Here's some from the Exploratorium
Spinning Palm
Bird In a Cage
Depth Spinner

Not as cool as Kitaoka, but worth a look: Visit this site's Home

And finally, The worlds smartest bird. It's a video, wait for it to load, it's worth it

Toy-related deaths and injuries reported to CPSC in 2004

From: The Consumer Products Safety Commission
(Warning: not Funny)
Since it's that time of year, I looked to see if I could find toy safety statistics...
I found some information on toy-related deaths and injuries that were reported to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) that occurred during 1/1/2004 and 12/31/2004.
Balls (choking/asphyxia) 4
Tricycles (2 drownings, 2 motor vehicle involvement) 4
Balloon (choking) 1
Game dice (choking) 1
Toy premium (choking) 1
Unpowered scooter (motor vehicle involvement) 1
Pile of stuffed animals (suffocation) 1
Unspecified Riding toy (motor vehicle involvement) 1
Reins of a toy horse (entanglement/asphyxia) 1
Toy on activity gym (entanglement/neck compression) 1

What do boobs, boogers, and Reese's PB Cups have in common?

That's right you guessed it, but you'll have to keep reading to believe it's true.
Stay with me here, I hope to complete my point within a few paragraphs.
The Logic:
Boobs are generally housed in cups (A, B, C, D, DD, etc)
Reese's Peanut Butter cups are also housed in cups (little brown ones)
Boogers generally are blown into a tissue
It used to be that girls stuffed tissues into their cups (to make boobs seem larger)
hey wait, I did it in 4 sentences.
I have related Boobs --> Peanut Butter Cups --> Boogers
I rule!

In related news, I cannot be controlled, I am a fried chicken eating machine. Tomorrow is doughnut day at work and I'm gonna eat 4. Laugh you testicles off Frank, I made a googlewhack today. actually made 2 . If you don't know what that is, check http://www.googlewhack.com . totally not for non-dorks. Here's my proof... (pretty hard to read)

Boogers are a popular topic

I've been watching my "how'd they get here stats" most disgustingly, it's boogers, picking boogers, eating boogers, and reese's peanut butter cups. So I will cater to the internet masses and post more on the "most wanted" list.
Thusly, a recipe for boogers...
Making Mucus - This is really slimy, slippery, goopy stuff -- It's just like the snot that comes out of your nose!
Ingredients: 1/2 to 1 pound fresh okra (a vegetable found in the grocery store)
1 to 2 cups water (the less water you add the thicker your mucus will be)
Instructions: 1. Chop the okra into large pieces and place them in a saucepan with a tight-fitting lid. 2. Boil the okra, about10 - 15 minutes, until it is a dark grayish-green and very soft. 3. Turn off the stove and remove the lid. Let your slimy substance cool. 4. Strain the slimy mess into a bowl and discard the okra. 5. Run your fingers through the remaining slimy broth. It's just like mucus! Keep this goop in the fridge and discard it after a week.
(thanks to this site for the recipe)
Give it a try, email me a pic, if you make it.

Here is a booger joke for ya'll
Q. How do you get a tissue to dance?

A. You put a little boogie in it!

Here's a thought for Hershey Corp.
Reese's Peanut Booger Cups.

Man Sues Ex-Girlfriend Over Glue Attack

Too Good to let pass by
The Associated Press
GREENSBURG, Pa. Nov 3, 2005 — A man claims his ex-girlfriend owes him more than $30,000 for gluing his genitals to his abdomen five years ago. "This was not just some petty domestic squabble," attorney Grey Pratt told a Westmoreland County jury Wednesday.
His client, Kenneth Slaby of Pittsburgh, is suing Gail O'Toole of Murrysville. His lawsuit claims the two broke up in 1999 after dating for 10 months and Slaby began dating someone else.
Slaby contends that O'Toole invited him over to her home on May 7, 2000, where he fell asleep. He woke up to find that O'Toole had used Super Glue to stick his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish.
Slaby said O'Toole told him it was payback for their breakup, and he had to walk a mile to a gas station to call for help. He pressed charges and O'Toole pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and served six months' probation.

Fiction or Fact

Some bugs have green blood?
Fact- The blood for an insect is called hemolymph, and the color comes from the pigments from the plants that the bugs eat. (ref)
Nipples (areola) have evolved to be darker than the surrounding breast tissue to protect against sunburn?
Fact - sunburned nipples would have hampered breast-feeding. But a slight tan is enough to protect mothers against that problem. (ref)
The color of the sun is yellow-orange?
Fiction - The light from the Sun when spreadout by a prism breaks up into violet, blue, green, yellow, orange, and red. So the"color" of the Sun is all of them -- all at the same time -- but none of them at once. (ref)
Thc color of Neptune is Red, like Mars?
Fiction - Neptune's color is a babyblueish color with white swirling lines with clouds. (Picture here, along with ref)
The eye color of Albino people is clear?
Fiction - Eyes are red not because of special pigment but due to blood vessel array in the retina

out of time ...

A purple headed warrior.

OMG! it's a vacuum, and it Rocks!

Factory-Reconditioned Dyson DC07 Cyclone Animal Upright Vacuum, Purple

I can't believe all the great reviews this gets, so we are going to try it out.

I sure hope it sucks!

Plus there is a Amazon.com $25 off $125 coupon Kitchen & Housewares right now. [As it stands right now, I can't seem to get the coupon to work for this]
EDIT: Amazon customer service credited my account for the $25 last night. I can forward the email if aanyone needs it to get the same deal.

Use code : WTRQUCKDSCNT

Here's a good one:
A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps horseshit all over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that horseshit, I'll eat every chunk of it." She says, "You want tomato sauce on that? We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

It's New & you don't even care! (that's why I don't like you anymore)

what is up with you? you don't call, you don't write, and now, you are ignoring my blogs.
YOU ARE A BIG-FAT-HARRY-MEAN-SMELLY-PIECE OF ...

Here is my photoblog... It's called Ploopie and if you want a photo tour of my life, this is where you should visit ocassionally.

Here is my other blog. I don't know why I even bothered to start it. But I like the concept of what I turned my concept into. Stop by and ask a question (please).

As for today, I am not yet sick of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, even though I've eaten like two bags of those little suckers. Stupid left-over Halloween candy.

Make a cheesecake out of your left-over candy.
Here's a recipe I made up, all-on-my own...

Crust:
1 1/2 c. crushed potato chips that you're kids got in their halloween bags
mixed with 1/4 c. stick unsalted butter and 1/2 c. chocolate graham crackers or choc vanilla wafers crumbled into crumbs.

Mix and Press into springform pan

Filling:
1/4 stick of butter
24 oz cream cheese
3 eggs
16 oz sour cream
3/4 c. granulated sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 c. crushed / crumbled candy

mix sugar, eggs, sour cream, vanilla, butter till smooth.
Add candy.
Bake in oven to 375 bake till edges brown.

Good luck and let me know if this recipe I made up in 10 minutes worked out for you. If it does, I'll send it to a magazine or something.