Sunday, July 30, 2006

Wyatt Earp comes to town

My favorite Deadwood Quotes from Leviathan Smiles

If you just heard me fart, excuse me.
Fuck yourself with a big paunch up your ass at the present moment
Now for the last fuckin’ time, give me a fuckin’ hoof.
Pay for the tools and remove them, and I‘ll cease to doubt your ability to do so.
Fuck you Steve, fuck you Hostettler, and fuck you too.
…he’s out of sorts, he’s going downstairs for a blowjob (Bullock leaves) ….uh, the sheriff is goin’ for a blowjob?
What a beautiful fuckin’ joint.
Those that don’t eat, without exception, fail to survive.
One sorry ass, shit eatin’, cocksucker
Leviathan fuckin’ smiles.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Post # 149: Brokeback BHFFL

We pick up the story somewhere near Rochester at around 12:27 pm...

H: As Long as he brings the "Drain Snake" he borrowed 3 years ago and drops it
off with the subpoena.

C: This is getting a little too "Brokeback Mountain" for me.

H: Not that there's anything wrong with that.

B: Does that mean that this draft will be a themed event?

C: I'll wear a cowboy hat, but that's as far as I'm going.

B: I think we should vote on Evatt wearing more than just a cowboy hat.

H: What your not wearing the Chaps again this year?

H: Nice visual ... Super bowel movement in a cowboy hat.

J: EVERYONE GO BACK TO EFFING WORK - No wonder our jobs are going to other countries!!!

B: I move that Poker Dawgs will be forced to release LaDa T if any further disparaging remarks are made against America and her workforce. Second?

H: I thought the Poker Dawgs were outsourcing their team to the CFL

Thursday, July 27, 2006

My Ass has more talent than most of America

The Summer's runaway hit where people perform like trained monkeys just so they can be on TV for 3 minutes is horrible. Jugglers? Come on, I love a good juggling act at the Renisance Festivle, but if you have never even gotten a $20 tip, do you really think someone is gonna give you a million freakin' dollars? And untalented rock bands that can't play or sing for shit, WTF! I mean, for real, if you can't fill a venue larger than your high school ladies restroom, do you think talentless Brandy and her fake boobs are gonna give you $1000000? I think I said it best, when earlier I said, these girls sing good for 12 year olds, but compared to my ass... they SUCK!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The F.U.N. song

Spongebob: What is fun? Let me spell it for ya... F is for friends who do stuff togeher U is for you and me N is for anywhere and anytime at all

Sea creatures: Down here in the deep blue sea

Plankton: F is for fire that burns down the whole town U's for uranium... bomb N is for no suvivors, when you.....

Spongebob: Plankton those thing aren't what fun is all about. Now do it like this... F is for friends who do stuff....

Plankton: Never, Thats completely idiotic

Spongebob: Here let me help you F is for friend who do stuff together U is for you and me... TRY IT!

Plankton: N is for Anywhere and anytime at all

Sea Creatures: Down here in the deep blue sea

Plankton: Wait I don't understand this. I feel all tingly inside can we stop

Spongebob: Thats how you're suppose to feel

Plankton: Well I like it, Lets do it again OK!!

Both: F is for frolic through all the flowers U is for Ukalayle N is for nose pickin cheerin down my sun Sitting here with my best buddy

Sunday, July 23, 2006

tonight's lines

My favorite lines of the night...
Prior to blowing off his fucking head, Hostletter was a Ni**er"
Take your fucking apron and consider changing your fucking shirt. Which I fucking suggested yesterday.
Do not put unathorized cinnamon on the fuckin meetin table
If you ain't ate desert yet, don't, Al's broke out the canned peaches.
You must go fuck yourself
That's a very nice fucking letter
Hey, little miss fuckin cinnamon
You've already fucked a horse...
No one gets out alive

My Fellow Americans

Foxtrot Unicorn Charlie Kilo.
Deadwood is about to start. Here is a recap...
Hearst tells Bullock "Fuck You"
Mrs. Ellsworth is on drugs, fires Trixie, gets rid of Mr Ellsworth.
The Nigger General tries to save the cooks kid.
Bullock and Swearengen decide to draw first blood (kinda)
Today Unauthorized Cinnamon: Joanie and Jane hook up?
People Plot against Hearst?
We shall see ...

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Uncle Poco eats Pea Yuts

A quick trip the space station reveals a little known truth about the octopus formerally known as the Keeper of the Vail. Pung the Octopus is also a wiz when it comes to all things technical. Too bad it is, that Pung is so sultry. Sultry is a curse. Pung is afraid. The end of time is near for Pung and only Pung knows it. People are after Pung. The octopus needs to leave the station. Damn, where are the crickets when you need them?

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Post 11pm Blog Entry

I am not a typical blogger. . .
I am not under 30.
I hate myspace.
I dislike pillow fighting.
I think Blogging is a waste of time.
I am divided on the issue of division.
I am way more than 50% male. (I can prove it A-Holes!)
I sleep 4 1/2 hours a night (not a day like the rest of you dumbshits)
I only have 1 tatoo (soon to be 2)
I don't suck ass.
Boobies are my friends.
I think cancer can be vacinated against and soon.

Reuters has printed a "Journalistic" article stating that bloggers aren't journalists.
Well, I'm keeping this electronic Journal of my thoughts, ideas, loves, hates, favorite web sites, etc. therefore I am a journalist. So F-off Reuters and to the peeps with too much time on their hands that they would take the time to answer a stupid survey.
Anyway reed here .... Reuters reports on Bloggers as if it were real news

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Deadwood - Richardson

Dude is freaking classic!
Actor Ralph Richeson plays Richardson on HBO's Deadwood
(soon to no longer exist)

I can't find a photo of him out of character anywhere except here ...

And even then he looks a bit like Richardson

Monday, July 17, 2006

Still nothing on my mind

Holy Crap! Giant Paper Wasps are attacking!

Shit! Run for the hills!

What if the paper wasps eat all of the paper and spit it out for their nests? Will schoolchildren still have paper?

Are wasp nest's recyclable?

The good news is, I am striving for a paperless society and this might just help fulfill my goal...

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Best Ever Line to say to someone in the morning

When someone says "good morning" to you, you say...
"Best time of the day to go fuck yourself" as Dan Dority in Deadwood did a few epoisodes back.
Oh, and add cocksucker
PS This is W. Earl Brown
and so is this (on the right)

Giant sized Garbage Trucks

Big Garbage trucks hold a lot of big garbage. They also hold a lot of little garbage. Almost nothing rhymes with garbage. A bunch of rotten oranges were in a garbage truck and the driver said to the man next to him, "Dude, you smell" and the garbage picker-upper-guy said, "F U, man. You smell like a ton of rotten oranges." Then the driver pulled the garbage truck over to the side of the road and proposed to fight. When the fight started, the driver kicked the picker-upper-guy right in the scrotum, effectively busting his balls.

The moral of the story is don't put rotten oranges in your ass, as the man next to you may end up kicking you in the nuts one day and if you end up in the hospital, you will have to explain why a rotten orange is shoved up your ass.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Recycling: Not just for tree huggers anymore - aka the birds and the bees knees

Physical signs to tell if a woman really reached her peak:
Stage one:
The inner two thirds of her vagina swells and becomes darker during arousal, and her clitoris becomes more erect.
Stage two: Her nipples become erect, breasts more sensitive to touch.
Stage three: Her body demands more oxygen as she becomes aroused, which means her breathing rate quickens.
Stage four: Blood pressure rises as her climax approaches. Watch out for a pinking in the cheeks, neck and chest.
Stage five: The orgasm itself is marked by rhythmic muscle contractions in the outer third of the vagina and also the anus. The first few contractions are the strongest, and kick in every few seconds.

Girls fake it
I made a comment to someone today, and she said "Girls fake it all of the time." So I said to myself, "Fucker, do you think they do for real?"

Did you know that a "simple brain scan can spot whether a woman is faking an orgasm or not"? I don't have this simple brain-scanning equipment in my bedroom, so that's not going to work for me. Feel free to read all about how the The University of Groningen orgasm experiment on 13 heterosexual couples aged 19-49 turned out.

If I can't scan a woman's brain, how will I be able to tell? Let me ask a woman. Hold on...

Firstly, I have discovered it is tough to get an answer from a woman. Secondly, it's even tougher to get an answer on this subject. Thirdly, if you expect an answer from a woman, expect to answer, why you want an answer about 6 times. Then expect denial. Then give up.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

2 topics that don't relate- even a little

Kenny Roggers gets to throw the semi-fastball to Pudge at the 2006 MLB All-StarGame. That's pretty cool, although I think he is sort-of past his prime, especially since he got that hair cut, I mean come on, he doesn't even look like Kenny Rogers anymore. Ever see this Men who look like Kenny Rogers? It's pretty interesting.
Could someone you love have IED? Is this just a stupid made up disorder - invented by a psychologist to try to get published so he could get tenure, or is actually in the DSM-IV? Anyway read all about IED (intermittent explosive disorder) here in the SF Gate. Or maybe read about IED here in the DSM-IV itself ...
"The essential feature of Intermittent Explosive Disorder is the occurrence of discrete episodes of failure to resist aggressive impulses that result in serious assaultive acts or destruction of property"