100% Guaranteed (not to work) Pickup Lines

Use these at your local Pub / Tavern / Watering Hole / Meat Market ...
A collection of my favorite cheesy, no good, disgusting pickup lines that could never work in 57 years. Here's 30.

Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
Your tasty intellect gives me butterflies, may I show you my little dance I know?
If you won't let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.
Are those real?
I want to be your popsicle, lickety-lick!
You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime..
Have you ever googled yourself?
Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
Do you know karate? ‘Cause damn, your body is really kickin.
They don't call me Bones because I'm a doctor.
Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
Greetings and salivations
I've got a supply of Viagra with your name all over it.
Would you like to play Scrabble with me? I am tired of playing with myself.
Honey, I'm new in this town – do ya think I could have directions to your house.
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up.
If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just practice?
Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
You compute me.
No, that's not a Logitech MX-100 in my pants, but thanks for noticing.
I just want you to know that I have what it takes to dance.
If you have sex with me, I promise I’ll call you.
So, what do you like for breakfast?
My wife is gonna be out of town next week, wanna party?
If I hadn't lost my package in 'Nam, I'd be all about getting with you.
You're so hot, you'd make hell sweat.
You sound like the person in my head who keeps telling me to burn down houses!