Friday, September 18, 2009

The Streak is over (or it will be soon)!



It's Futile
Any polydactyl cat with a computer, an Internet Connection and a Blogger Account can spout off predictions of doom and gloom, but who else is going to boldly go where only 3 other (possibly, tremendously insane) people have dared to go?
Throughout history futility has run rampant. The Republicans and the Democrats haven't agreed about taxes, spending, and ... well … everything, since approximately 1854, the Temple Owls College Football team hasn't beaten the Penn State Nitney Lions since 1941 (68 years,) the Pittsburgh Pirates (MLB) have had not had a winning season since 1992 (that's right, 17 seasons,) and my Nanna hasn't made a Banana Cream Pie since 1974 (I'm guessing on this one.)


The butt
All of these futile attempts at non-futility have 1 thing in common... they all are seemingly, waaaayyy more futile than attempts to win an NFL game by the Detroit Lions. The Lions haven't had a winning season since 2000 and who haven't won a game in their last 18 attempts (all right, so not that Waaaayyyyy more futile, but maybe somewhat?)


The Detroit Lions have been butt of many jokes over the last 2 (err... 22 err... a lot of) seasons...
(the classic) ...
Q. What do you call a Detroit Lion with a Super bowl ring?
A. A thief.
(the oh-that’s-soooo-2008) ...
Q. Why was Matt Millen upset when the Detroit Lions’ playbook was stolen?
A. Because he hadn’t finished coloring it.
(the new)...
"I set my TiVo to record "The Biggest Loser," and I got the Lions game." Jay Leno (9/14/2009)

*Please add Detroit Lions jokes at your leisure in the comment section.


Facts that totally don't support my much anticipated (and potentially life changing) conclusion
* Since November 5, 2007 the Detroit Lions have won a total of exactly 1 stinkin game(s). (This is also known, around some parts, as the… 1 win and 25 loss-awesome-ungoodness sprinkled with sprinkles!)
* The Lions have not won a play-off game since 1991
* The Lions have never been to a Super Bowl and haven't won a Championship since 1957 (51 seasons)
* In the last 26 games, the Lions have scored 448 points (which isn't all that shabby) but -and it's a big but - have had been scored on a total of 865 points (closely related to letting your hairy aunt kiss you on the lips after dinner)
[note: providing that my addition skills aren't as bad as the Lions Defense (has been)]

The results of the last 26 games (I would say played, but let's go with dressed for) - Note: for amusement purposes only
Detroit Lions 2007 (partial) results
Denver07-44
Arizona21-31
NY Giants10-16
Green Bay26-37
Minnesota10-42
Dallas27-28
San Diego14-51
Kansas City25-20
Green Bay13-34

Detroit Lions 2008 results
Atlanta21-34
Green Bay25-48
San Fran13-31
Chicago07-34
Minnesota10-12
Houston21-28
Washington17-25
Chicago23-27
Jacksonville14-38
Carolina22-31
Tampa Bay20-38
Tennessee10-47
Minnesota16-20
Indianapolis21-31
New Orleans07-42
Green Bay21-31




Detroit Lions 2009 (partial) results
New Orleans27-45




The curse of Bobby Lane
"Bobby Layne never lost a game, he just ran out of time" (who knows who said it, someone did so I’m using it.) In 1958 (right after the last championship - if you’ll notice) the Lions traded the Hall-of-fame QB to the Pittsburgh Steelers. Bobby became Bobby the big bitter booby and has been quoted as saying that Detroit "would not win for 50 years." (He was pretty spot-on.) 50 years have come and gone with narry a championship. Sunday, September 20th begins the turnaround. The day that will go down in history. The day that will live in infamey as the day the young Savior QB, in only his 2nd game, started his team on the path to glory (or maybe it will go down as the only win of the season, it's too early to tell.)


What, what, what?
So they're gonna win. They, being the Lions... they will beat the Vikings on Sunday (9/20). The Run Defense isn't going to be the Lions problem like the vulgar display of flatulance last Sunday. Traditionally, when the Lions play the Saints, they spend too much time on Bourbon Street and not enough time preparing for the game. So I'm counting last week’s performance as an aberration.

The Lions have had a relatively decent defense against AD (Adrian “All Day” Peterson) who has only rushed for 116, 105 and 111 in his previous 3 matches with the Lions. Pretty impressive for the likes of TJ Duckett or Skip Hicks but for Mr. Peterson, that is horrifying, disgusting and downright yucky and will in no way give the old man (Favre) and the rest of the Vikings a chance at victory. Favre is older than me and I just spent the summer in bed because my spinal discs have dried up and become brittle... I'm not saying the Favre is brittle, I'm saying he's almost 40, he likes pickles and he'll throw, at the bare minimum, 3 INT's to seal the Lions victory.

So here's the kicker, well... wwait, Jason Hanson is the Kicker, and this isn't Hanson... um... OK, so here's a bit of video from the Late show with David Letterman. Anyone know Jim Gaffigan? He loves bacon... and wood. I digress... This clip aired right after the 2009 NFL draft. Pay close attention to #8.
Letterman's Top 10 as read by a QB
Sunday, he will be that hero.


Now if only Barry Sanders would just come out of retirement.

If I'm wrong, maybe they should try something such as this...

Throwing Babies from a 50 foot Temple

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