Choices

If I had a choice between...
...reading poetry on a random blog or sticking my fingers in a light socket, I would pick electrocution.
…reading poetry on a random blog or fishing without a pole in a boat in the middle of a semi-frozen lake, I would pick fishing.
…reading poetry on a random blog or eating live cockroaches, I'd grab some catchup and start chowing.
…reading poetry on a random blog or vomiting into a bucket only to have it later poured over my sleeping body, I would pick the vomit blanket.
…reading poetry on a random blog or being anally raped, I would read the blog.

I dont like reading poetry on a random blog. I don't see how it takes any talent to not make sense. So all of you wanna-be-poets, good luck, but you suck.

Browsing Flikr for fun and profit.

All right, no profit. But plenty of fun. Rather than reading for my test (I can't read cryptography for more than a few minutes at a time, I get sleepy)

It's funny, but to the point no? Or as they say in Turkey (ORIGIN OF SIGN)...

beni lüzum çýngýrtý


















From jakebouma on flikr

It doesn't suck to be tall, right Scott?

I'm short. Scott's short. Dave's short. But If I had the superpower of being tall. I would use it for good not evil. I have 2 images to show you what I am referring to...

This is Evil...














This is Good...

Dave Attell Quotes

I'm heading to see Dave Attell at the end of March in a comey club attached to a bowling alley.
This Dude cracks me up. I borrowed these quotes from the wiki

"If I was going to give you something you really need, it would be mustache wax and a t-shirt that says One Cock At A Time. "

"Sex is not that important; it's the afterward part when you're naked and it's warm. Watching the sun come up through the windshield you look in her good eye and you help strap on her leg and you know: you fucked a pirate. "

"They have a luggage store at the airport? I mean, how late do you have to be running? Don't worry hunny just grab a pile of shit... we'll get a bag at the airport!"

"There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. "

"You know that kind of drunk where you're a drink away from yelling faggot or being one. "

You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? "Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy."

"I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something. "

"I went to Dayton, Ohio, recently. Know what's a fun thing to do there? Pack up and get the fuck out, that's what. "

"Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man."

"Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? 'Damn I got to get the hell out of here!' 'What was I thinking!' "

Retrieved from "http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Dave_Attell"

Control Top Panty Hose

Famous people wear pantyhose. Girls wear pantyhose and boys wear pantyhose.

You're asking yourself now, if you are still reading this, why am I still reading this? I'll guess as to why... It's 'cause you can't take your eyes off of a train wreck, that's why. Although this isn't a train wreck, it's a train that isn't heading anywhere, and fast.

When I started writing, I had a vision, an idea, some type of a plan. It's been lost. I am now going to make links to vaious sites and interesting things in the post. I'll bet I don't get many return visitors after this mess. Hey, I have an idea. I'll post a poem about boobs.

A Tribute to Boobs
Roses are red
this is the hook.
There are no Boobs on your head
and you aren't reading a book.

Boobs are so fun
that they make a boy run.
From the hidden valleys of Vietnam
to the streets of Siam.

So look at your boobs
or the boobs of your mate
or watch on the tube
a monkey masturbate.

Post #100

This is a wasted post just 'cause I want to celebrate my 100th post.

I am the Walrus koo koo ka choo.

I am the best blogger in the whole wide world.

I am the very model of an average person.

I am the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup King!

I am the boob fairy, I will grant all of your boob wishes.

I am so freaking great that one day your son will want to be like me.

Personals

Looking for a mate? Screw Match.com and Dr. Phil... I have your perfect match right here.
Likes:
Toothbrushes
Dark Places
Hanging out under bridges
Eating Corn on the cob
Full Body Cavity Searches
Shiny objects
Howard Stern
Playboy Bunnies

Dislikes:
Pat Robertson
West Virginia Coal Miners
Purple Rain
Dan Rather
Going to the Dentist

Flikr: Uploaded on February 15, 2006by Melete

Government Monkey? Come on Google, that's a bit Personal, no?

Let's say you were looking for a picture on Google Images.
Further let's say, you wanted that picture to be freely available to use on a website.
Lastly, lets say you typed this in your google image search box ...
(gov monkey, if it's hard to read)

I shit you not... The Results ...

Right smack dab in the middle of your page...

Here is a better view of the photo for you ...

If you happen to like this (or hate it) or link to it, leave a comment I'd like to know.

I don't know, but I don't think I've posted about boobs yet today.

Many special thanks (aka props) go out to whomever decided that this link to massive mammaries was wikipedia worthy

Bust size as explained by some anonymous fella (at the wikipedia) keeping many a teenage boy happy...
"It is fairly common for this category of models and dancers to publish misleading measurements. ... to give what appears to be a bra size (e.g. 43G) but is actually a bra cup size combined with a bust circumference — which includes an offset normally added to the number. For example, a woman who wears a (US) 36G bra has a band size measurement of 36" — a circumference beneath the breasts of 31" — and a bust measurement or 36+7 or 43". " WHATEVER DUDE?!? DUH!

Today, I just feel like it's important to create a top 10 list of names I found entertaining that someone thought might be a good stage name.
10. Alyssa Alps
9. Lisa Lips (Pictured)
8. Niki Knockers
7. Busty Dusty
6. Candy Cantaloupes
5. Tiffany Towers
4. Treasure Chest
3. Wendy Whoppers
2. Letha Weapons
1. Chesty Morgan

Of course, there are MANY more, but 10'll do ya.

Slut-o-Meter

I read about the slut-o-meter on a random blog... LifeHacker (go visit, it's cool enough)

How the SLUT-O-METER Works
Slut-o-meter evaluates the promiscuity of the subject you enter by comparing the number of Google search results with and without "safe-search" enabled. A complete slut would return unsafe results and no safe results. Alternatively, a clean name should produce the same number of safe and unsafe results.
Popularity
Simply put, this is the number of times this slut has been searched for.

I scored Promiscuity: 6.45% (28 / 434) Popularity: 1


This is a picture of a slut.
According to Joshb60796
Uploaded to Flickr on 12/24/04

PS> I don't know who she is or why she's a slut, but the picture was tagged that way on Flickr

super big boobs found on google

This is a pretty big breasted chick
This is the clean portion of the picture as seen on
biggest-huge-boobs.com

Her name appears to be Chelsey Charms.

I don't understand what's charming about those things. I find them to be scary.

Maxi Mounds can be found on Photoclubs.com and I understand where her name comes from.

I bet those things can be used as flotation devices!

Why am I posting links to sites with big boobs, huge boobs in fact? I dunno. Just cause I think its crazy to see how big these things get. These boobs are too big to even be attractive, but hey, if you like it, that's cool.

If its in a museum is it art?

Lola Ferrari was an Adult (do you think) Entertainer
This photograph is a picture of a wax likeness of her.
I found the photo of those huuuuuuuuuge breasts, but I can't google to much out about her "career" or how big those things actully were. Sadly, not 100 inches though.
Wikipedia to the rescue!
Seeking stardom and wealth and encouraged by her husband, she reportedly underwent as many as twenty-five operations to create a 180-cm (71-inch) silicone-enhanced bust and to alter her facial appearance. The Guinness Book of Records says each of her breasts weighed 2.8kg (6lb 2oz) and contained 3 litres of serum


HOLY CRAP!

This is a list of big breasted women. Who puts this stuff together???

This just in...The Three 6 Mafia will not say Fuck at the Academy Awards!

Oscars viewers to hear word "bitches" in song
Excerpt:
There will be no F-word but the word "bitches" will be heard during the first-ever rap performance at the Academy Awards.
the authors of best song nominee "It's Hard Out There for a Pimp" from the film "Hustle & Flow" have substituted less offensive words for the song's profanity-laced lyrics.
"As long as the Academy approves it, it's cool," said rapper Jordan "Juicy J" Houston, a member of Three 6 Mafia, which wrote the song for the film and will be performing it.
But he said he was told by actress Taraji P. Henson, who performed the song in the film, and will sing onstage with Three 6 Mafia, that the show's producers were letting her keep the word "bitches," in the chorus. "Taraji said the Academy told her she can say 'bitches,'" said Houston.
A spokesman for Gil Cates, the producer of the Oscars telecast, confirmed that the word "bitches" was not one of the words changed by the nominated artists.

The Three 6 Mafia are sell-outs and have lost all "street cred" in my book.

PS Who are the Three 6 Mafia?

I Swear, I will pay for a photo of someone with 100 inch boobs

At least once a day someone scours the internet for 100 inch boobs, 100 inch breasts, 100 inch tits, and my favorite web drivin search engine, Google, finds my blog. Sadly, I don't have a photo or a pic or a picture of a woman with 100 inch boobs. If you have one, and I can post it on my blog, I will mail you $1 or maybe even more, if it's quality. For now, here is one artist's depiction of a 100 inch boob...