Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Jenny McCarthy is a salad tosser

A reveled on the Howard Stern show...

Jenny McCarthy "Loves" to toss salads!
Add Jenny to the list of Salad tossers but she does it without salad dressing and/or syrup.
What is the turnon with sticking your tongue in a bunghole?

Life exists on other planets. NASA has proof

A real picture of an alien on NASA’s web site?
I can’t believe this has escaped the public’s scrutiny. This is clearly a picture of an alien. This is on a government website and nobody is taking notice. I am perplexed!!
Life exists on other planets and there is a picture of an alien, and it’s on NASA’s web site!!
There is even a matching description…
- he has four legs
- two arms
- green body with red chest
- red headband
- four tenticles

The truth is out there people! You just need to know where to look for it.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

No real Plan to address Gas Prices, just more BS

President Bush's recent actions are part of a four-part plan to address gas prices in the short- and long-term.
*Making sure consumers and taxpayers are treated fairly.
*Promoting greater fuel efficiency.
*Boosting gasoline supply at home.
*Aggressive long-term investment in alternative fuels.

You should notice 4 things about this plan.
*There is no real plan to address gas prices.
Increasing supplies of gasoline made from *$75/barrel crude oil is not going to reduce the price of gasoline
*You are termed a “taxpayer”, not a human being, a person, or the American Public. It’s all about not being about the common man in this administration.

I have a plan. Wanna hear it? Too F-ing bad. My plan is for someone to come up with a tax on Oil company profits. In the last ¼ of 2005, Exxon Mobile made a $10.3 billion profit. Not too shabby. Tax that at the same 32% some people are stuck with and spend it on infrastructure renewal.
Let’s say, I could build a mass transit system for the 100 largest cities in America that don’t already have them for $6.5 billion (see Edmonton, Alberta, Canada). Exxon Mobile would still have nearly a $4 billion profit and the Nation might see other benefits as well.
If only 1000 people ride the express train in each of those cities each day, that’s 100,000 less cars on the road each day.
*Less Polution
*Less Gasoline Used and Needed
*More Jobs created
*Less Traffic

Friday, April 21, 2006

Blue Whales

This blog is sooooo damn informational it makes me sick!
The longest blue whale ever recorded was a 110-foot 3-inch (33.6m) adult female
Females are larger than males of the same age, the largest perhaps weighing around 170 tons (a bunch of kg’s for you metric freaks)
A Blue Whale's head is so big that 50 humans would be able to stand on its tongue.
The blue whale is thought to feed almost exclusively on krill. During the summer feeding season the blue whale consumes about 4 tons each day (about 40 million krill).
Gestation lasts approximately 11 months. Calves are 23 to 27 feet (7-8 meters) long at birth and 2,722 kg (3 tons crazy Americans). During the nursing period, calves consume 100 gallons (do the math yourself) of the mother's milk each day. Calves gain 200 pounds a day, or 8 pounds an hour (I think I could do that if I ate 4 Big Mac’s and a Pizza for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. That’s way easier than drinking 100 gallons of Milk).
[Here is the part where everyone has a different opinion]
Blue whales have comparatively small testes for their body size: the average adult male has testes that weigh 70kg..... no wait, the testicules weight about 10 kg (22 pounds). Well, you decide on that one.
The Blue Whale’s penis is estimated at over 2 m (more than 6½ feet). Accurate measurements are difficult to take because the erect length can only be observed during mating [almost impossible to view] but wait.....In an adult male, the penis is about 5 m long (16 ft) , I bet the blue whale would go with 16ft.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Lunch Anyone? Tom Cruise to dine on Placenta

Lastest news from the smallest jackass in Hollywood, Tom Cruise:

Cruise told GQ magazine: "I'm gonna eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there."

Is he going to cook it first? Or just eat it right after she silently gives birth to it? A big slimy bloody mess.

I can't even think about how disgusting this is. I will now go and hurl.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

100th Anniversary: San Francisco Earthquake — April 18 (2006)

WARNING: You will learn something if you read this ....

On April 18, 1906, at 5:12 AM “The Great San Francisco Earthquake” struck, followed by a series of catastrophic fires that burned for three days and destroyed more than 500 blocks in the heart of the city. The earthquake is estimated at magnitude 8.25 on the Richter scale and lasted about one minute. The death toll of the earthquake has been estimated between 3,000 - 6,000 with property damage estimated then at $400 million (about $8.2 billion in today’s dollars).

The Census Bureau put some cool facts together for you to enjoy! Well I enjoy them anyway, so beat it if you don't.

The population of California

in 1900 = 1.5 Million.(California was the nation’s 21st most populous state)

in 2005 = 36.1 Million (California is the nation’s most populous state)

The population of San Francisco

in 1900 = 342,782 (The most populous in California and 9th most populous city nationwide)

in 2004 = 744,230 (4th most populous city in CA and the 14th most populous nationwide)

The percentage of San Francisco’s white residents

in 1900 = 95% (5% were Asian or Pacific islander, and less than 1% were black)

in 2004 = 58% (34% were Asian, 14% Hispanic and 8% black)

The number of farms in San Francisco

in 1900 = 304

in 2002 = 8

Excuse me while I vomit - Japanese Porn terminology

This post is not for the faint of stomach.

Sure you've heard of bukkake, but how about tamakeri, gokken or futanari?

Each Japanese pornographic genre seems to get more vile and disgusting than the previous one.

So as a service to you loyal readers, I bring to you a little japanese porn lesson.

Tamakeri - who wouldn't want a good hard kick in the balls. There's always futanari porn staring some very lovely hermaphrodites (females with male sex organs). You know your mom probably loves the he-she's (shemales) just as much as you do. In case you aren't a big porn afficianado, you might not have heard of bukkake. So if you don't know, bukkake is a group sex practice where a series of men take turns ejaculating on some poor girl's face. I suppose they probably do gay bukkake as well. Doesn't sound that bad, eh? Well not when you compare it to gokken where the "actress" consumes enormous amounts of semen. Gokkun pornography predominantly involves ejaculating into a woman's mouth. In one movie, a gokkun "actress" may swallow more than a hundred cum shots.

*Note: Don't forget Snowball or Trade Bukkake: This style of bukkake has two or more targets, which after receiving the facials, the targets swap the semen from mouth to mouth or lick it off of each other's faces.

*Note 2: That is a picture of bukkake udon noodles, a popular dish in Japan.
Thanks to

So, Tossed a Salad Lately?

I have been listening to the Howard Stern now that it's being replayed at times that I can hear it and let me tell you, tossing a salad is not for me. First of all, my tongue never EVER will go near a cornhole. Sencond of all, ain't nobody stickin' a tongue in my butt. How could anybody possibly do that to/with/for someone?

Scenario #1: You're at the gym, it's hot, you just did 5 miles on the treadmill, you're in the locker room, you're taking your shorts off, you have bent over to pick them up off the floor, and BAM! there is a tongue in your ass crack making its way toward the hole. AHHHHHHH! I would pass out, hit my head on the locker and hope to never wake up again.

Scenario #2: You are a celebrity, you have been known to kill a vampire in your early years, but lately you've been ice skating. The boyfriend you dumped to be with your skating partner is on Howard Stern telling everyone you love to toss his salad. How does Kristy Swanson explain this to her Mom?

Scenario #3: You are a celebrity. You have a very rich daddy. He also happens to be very powerful in Hollywood. You are about to have a brand new show air on VH1. Howard Stern asks you 1 simple question, if you have a brain, you don't answer it. "You're not tossing his salad are you?" Tori Spelling answers, "we do everything." Holy crap! Who admits that on the radio?

Why do you have a uvula? Why do I have a uvula?

What the hell is a uvula?

The uvula is a small cone-shaped mass of tissue hanging down from the soft palate, near the back of the throat. The word is derived from the diminutive of uva, the Latin word for "grape", due to the uvula's grape-like shape. (From I have a uvula so I can keep my wife up at night with my snoring. Some freaks have uvulas so they can put holes in it and make a shiny object useful (see picture, and if you know German, visit the bodyart site)

Uvula Piercing is stupid, disgusting, and just freaking weird. If I had something in my throat like that I would walk around like a cat with a constant case of the hairballs. Speaking of hairballs, the picture below is from the National Museum of Health and Medicine. It's a picture of a hairball, some 12 year old chick had removed from her stomach (she ate her freakishly tasty hair, I guess) Looks kinda gross no? Like it must have taken the shape of the stomach and she probably couldn't eat much. I will now invent my new diet, the hair diet. Eat your hair, you won't poop it out and it'll fill you up and you won't be able to eat much. I think it'll be a smashing success. I'm outta here, I gotta start writing the book and planning the book tour. Later Aligators...

Friday, April 14, 2006

This is about Detroit Sports Not related to the worst Murder rate jump ever

So the murder rate in Detroit is up 22%? Who cares? Just another reason not to visit. Good job Kwamee.
The Wings are locked in. They have the Presidents Cup, akiller team, it's the last hurrah for the young captain. Home ice for the playoffs is just a bonus.
The Pistons are the best team in the NBA. Best record for thePistons ever and the best record in the NBA this year. Home court for the playoffs, is just another bonus.
The Tigers, well the Tigers are the Tigers. After a 5-0 start, hope was rising. Now after a 5-4 start they will just be lucky to be .500 by the end of the month.
The Lions are looking forward to the draft. I bet they trade the pick when it comes up. They don't need to draft a QB and lots of teams will want Vince Young with the 9th pick. I'd say it's with the Jets. A swap of #1's and the Jets give the the second rounder.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Athlete or Not-an-Athlete?

Are Sumo Wrestlers Athletes or just big fat dudes? I, personally vote for super-fat dudes who eat a lot, sleep a lot and can't be pushed over because of the ass. Huge ass = low center of gravity. How scary would it be to be the little guy in the picture on the left?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Dave Attell Show Review

Chaplins' Comedy Club. Somewhere near Roseville, Michigan. Friday, March 31, 2006

Dude was funny. You know, the kind of funny that makes you feel a little uncomfortable on the inside. Many times I'd wished I was recording the show so I could post some of the side-splittin' hilarity on the web. But I didn't. I was tape-recording with my mind though and damn if I can't use that old technology anymore. Where can I buy a tape player? Do you even know what a tape player is? I guess what I'm trying to say here is, Dave wants to start a family. Anyway, Dave pushed the envelope of comedy as usual last Friday, some old folks call it blue, I call it funny. Would I see him again, yes. He's the kind of guy I could imagine sitting around drinking with pretending I was on a fishin' trip. I give the show a solid A-.
The venue sucks though. Chaplin needs to do some redecorating and isolate the idiots away from the comics and set the place up like a theater. Man, I wish I had the cash to purchase that place and renovate it. Anyone want to front me some cash? I have great ideas, but can't make enough money to get ahead enough to take a chance. And the $5 mini-drinks, come on Hitler, show us some love.
Lastly a giant Fuck You to the birthday jackass who thought he was the star of the show. White-Shirt-wearin', trailer-park-livin', no-job-havin', fat fuck. Try your "hilarious" one liners out on your sister while she's riding your dad before the show next time. See if they kill there.