Dave Attell Quotes

I'm heading to see Dave Attell at the end of March in a comey club attached to a bowling alley.
This Dude cracks me up. I borrowed these quotes from the wiki

"If I was going to give you something you really need, it would be mustache wax and a t-shirt that says One Cock At A Time. "

"Sex is not that important; it's the afterward part when you're naked and it's warm. Watching the sun come up through the windshield you look in her good eye and you help strap on her leg and you know: you fucked a pirate. "

"They have a luggage store at the airport? I mean, how late do you have to be running? Don't worry hunny just grab a pile of shit... we'll get a bag at the airport!"

"There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. "

"You know that kind of drunk where you're a drink away from yelling faggot or being one. "

You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? "Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy."

"I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something. "

"I went to Dayton, Ohio, recently. Know what's a fun thing to do there? Pack up and get the fuck out, that's what. "

"Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man."

"Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? 'Damn I got to get the hell out of here!' 'What was I thinking!' "

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