So, Tossed a Salad Lately?

I have been listening to the Howard Stern now that it's being replayed at times that I can hear it and let me tell you, tossing a salad is not for me. First of all, my tongue never EVER will go near a cornhole. Sencond of all, ain't nobody stickin' a tongue in my butt. How could anybody possibly do that to/with/for someone?

Scenario #1: You're at the gym, it's hot, you just did 5 miles on the treadmill, you're in the locker room, you're taking your shorts off, you have bent over to pick them up off the floor, and BAM! there is a tongue in your ass crack making its way toward the hole. AHHHHHHH! I would pass out, hit my head on the locker and hope to never wake up again.

Scenario #2: You are a celebrity, you have been known to kill a vampire in your early years, but lately you've been ice skating. The boyfriend you dumped to be with your skating partner is on Howard Stern telling everyone you love to toss his salad. How does Kristy Swanson explain this to her Mom?

Scenario #3: You are a celebrity. You have a very rich daddy. He also happens to be very powerful in Hollywood. You are about to have a brand new show air on VH1. Howard Stern asks you 1 simple question, if you have a brain, you don't answer it. "You're not tossing his salad are you?" Tori Spelling answers, "we do everything." Holy crap! Who admits that on the radio?