How much of this crap can you take?

I'm googling again... look out, "if you were a"

My Pimp Name: Mack Master Evatt Dazzle

If I were a drug, I would be LSD

Who would you be if you were a character in an epic fantasy?
I'd be a Knight
You are the Knight, the legendary, romantic hero of great kingdoms. The Knight is a true warrior and an epic hero. He will do anything to defend his honor and his kingdom. Whatever his lord or king commands he
will do without hesitation. He is very virtuous; he holds honesty, loyalty, and bravery in very high regard. If I were a cyborg ...

If I were a poet... Dickinson

IF YOU WERE A beverage, what would you be?
(drop it in the comments, the best one wins a prize)