Everybody says, save a horse, ride a cowboy.
There are some theories that were floated around as to what might have happened to the Great and Powerful former commish, and far be it from me to actually get my story straight prior to posting this on the internet for everyone to see. So in no particular order, here is what I heard happened to VanDisappeared on Saturday…
- Got lost somewhere between the hall and the bathroom
- Became quite distraught when he heard a Meatloaf song coming from the reception in the adjoining hall and rushed over to find “the one”.
- The ring bearer kicked him in the ding-ding, disabling him for the rest of the evening.
- Found a game of Texas Holdem in the parking lot, won a bunch of cash and decided to fly to Vegas immediately in hopes of doubling his booty.
- Went ugly early
- Heard Mike hired a professional dancer for the wedding and was crushed that it wasn’t him, ending his dreams to appear on “Solid Gold”
- Went to his room to apply Gold Bond to stop the chafing and passed out in the bathroom, hitting his head on the sink, knocking him unconscious for the rest of the evening.
Have a good and prosperous Monday.
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